Dumb and Dumber
by yasha012
Summary: A series of short glimpses into the lives of Kagome and Sesshomaru as they deal with Inuyasha and Kikyo's random dumb and dumber moments. Minor bashing of those two (in a humorous way). T to be safe.
1. Prologue to Stupidity

It was Kagome's first time visiting her boyfriend Sesshomaru's house. As soon as they walked through the door, they were met with a strange scene. Inuyasha was running around in circles flapping his arms wildly while Kikyo cheered him on.

"Come on Inuyasha!" She yelled. "You can do it!"

After a few moments, he stopped.

"Why can't I fly?!" He yelled in frustration.

Kagome looked at Sesshomaru in confusion.

"Meet dumb and dumber." He whispered in her ear before leading her upstairs, ignoring the outraged yelling of his half brother.


	2. Modeling

"Modeling is meant for anorexic girls who would never be called beautiful in real life." Inuyasha announced, interrupting the girls's conversation. "They're all a bunch of idiots who think that posing in front of a camera for some stupid magazine is a real job."

There was silence. Needless to say, the girls were _not_ happy with his comment. They would have killed him right then and there had Mirku not spoken up just then._  
_

"So I guess you got turned down too, huh?"

Kikyo, not realizing it was a joke, slapped Inuyasha for being a cheater while everyone else laughed until they couldn't breathe. They all inhaled...

...And laughed some more.

_'Maybe having an idiot for a brother isn't such a bad thing after all.' _Sesshomaru thought with a smirk. _'It's definitely entertaining.' _

**A/N By the way, I do not have the same mindset about models as Inu does in this chapter. I'm sorry if I offended anyone, for that was not my intention. This chapter was meant to be humorous and nothing more.**


	3. Bird

Everyone was hanging out at Sango's house. They were just hanging out. Playing video games,, talking, things like that. One way or another, the conversation turned to college. Just when the conversation was getting good, Inuyasha spoke.

"I'd rather be a _bird_ than go to college." He announced.

There was silence as he seemed to think this over. Suddenly, he looked at them all with a serious expression.

"Is there a way I can do that?" He asked.

There was more silence before Koga spoke.

"Oh, _sure_!" He said, rolling his eyes. "It's simple. Just get fertilized bird egg, hatch it, raise it until it's full grown, kill the bird, glue it's feathers on you arms, eat what's left so you become a bird inside too, go find a cliff, then jump off."

Inuyasha's eyes widened.

"Oh yeah! Why didn't _I_ think of that?!" He exclaimed.

"It takes an uncommon mind to think of these things." Sesshomaru muttered, rolling his eyes.

Suddenly, Inuyasha leapt to his feet and ran out the door. Kagome looked at her boyfriend with wide eyes.

"You don't think he's actually going to try that, do you?" She asked worriedly.

"Well on the bright side, if he _does_, we'll only have dumbie over here to worry about." Kagura said.

Kikyo glared while everyone laughed. Meanwhile, Inuyasha was busy searching the yard for eggs.


	4. Unicorn Horns

"How do you grow a unicorn horn?" Kikyo asked seriously. "My cousin said her friend has one and I want one too."

Kagome and Sesshomaru exchanged a glance before, for once, Kagome replied.

"It's _easy._" She said. "Just roll a piece of paper into a cone shape and tape it to your head. You can use any kind of paper. Eventually, it'll become attached for good and you can remove the tape. You can customize it with markers and stuff too!"

Kikyo immediately began to search for the perfect piece of paper, dragging Inuyasha along with her. Sesshomaru gave Kagome a serious look.

"Where did you come up with that?" He asked.

She shrugged.

"I go online a lot."

Not long afterward, Kikyo found the perfect paper.

"Where's the tape?!"


	5. Like Totally!

Kagome and Sesshomaru were stuck listening to Kikyo and Inuyasha, who were across the hall having a loud conversation in Inuyasha's room.

"Ok, so I was like totally, like, totally going to like totally like buy some totally like totes like adorable shoes, but then like I totally went 'oh' 'cause I like saw the price, so I like totally like didn't buy them, and I'm like totally sad now, and I, like, TOTALLY need those shoes!" Kikyo exclaimed.

Inuyasha responded instantly, seeming to have understood her perfectly while Kagome and Sesshomaru exchanged baffled looks from where they sat on Sesshomaru's bed.

"What the hell did I just listen to?" Sesshomaru asked after a moment of complete silence.

"I have no idea." Kagome replied.

Just then, Kikyo began talking again.


	6. Cheeseburger

"Sesshomaru!" Inuyasha exclaimed as he barged into his brother's room.

Kagome sighed softly in annoyance. This was the _third _time he'd barged in... How were they going to get any studying done?

"What?" Sesshomaru asked, sounding mildly annoyed as well.

"Proof read my paper!" Inuyasha said.

"Why should I?" Sesshomaru asked.

"_Please_?" Inuyhasha begged.

Sesshomaru sighed.

"Fine." He said.

"Yes!" Inuyasha cheered.

Inuyasha continued speaking while he handed it over.

"We were supposed to write about our favorite day in history." He explained.

Sesshomaru looked at it with a blank expression. He blinked.

"_'A History of a Cheeseburger'_?"

Inuyasha nodded, his chest puffed out in pride.

"It's the best essay I've ever written."

Kagome leaned over and began to read.

"'A cheeseburger is a hamburger topped with cheese. Traditionally, the cheese it placed on top of the patty, but the burger may have many variations in structure, ingredients, composition...'"


	7. Music Land

"How do I become a guitar?" Inuyasha suddenly asked.

"Go take a class." Kagura replied.

"No, not a guitar _player_! An actual guitar!"

Koga responded instantly.

"By living in Music Land, that magical place where everyone is an instrument." He said.

He then leaned in close to Inuyasha's face and examined one of his eyes.

"Are you now seeing, spots, circles, and rectangles whenever you open your eyes?" He asked seriously.

Inuyasha's eyes widened.

"Yes!" He exclaimed.

"Good! Now go find a Unicorn named Bill! He'll take you to Candy Land. From there, ride the rainbow until you find the magical Leprechaun. He'll take you to Music Land!"

Inuyasha ran out the door to search for "Bill" while everyone else cracked up laughing.

"Maybe you should deal with Inuyasha more often." Sango said, still laughing a bit. "That was hilarious!"

"Where did you come up with that?" Ayame asked.

He pointed at Kikyo.

"But that wasn't made up!" Kikyo protested. "I went there just yesterday!"

They couldn't stop laughing.


	8. Google Earth

"I CAN'T SEE MYSELF ON GOOGLE EARTH!" Inuyasha yelled hysterically as he ran inside with his laptop in his hands.

"What?" Kagura asked.

"I keep walking outside with my laptop and I still can't see myself!" He yelled, seeming near panic.

Sesshomaru rolled his eyes but, to everyone's surprise, went along with it.

"Did you type in our address?" He asked.

"Yes!"

"Did you type it in _correctly_?"

"Uh..."

Inuyasha checked.

"Yes!" He replied after a moment.

"That settles it then." Kagome said with a careless shrug. "You're invisible."

Inuyasha's eyes widened,

"Wow! Really? That's cool!"

After a few minutes of everyone pretending they couldn't see him (more like _ignoring_ him), he spoke up.

"I'm gonna go pull a prank on dad!" He announced, running off down the hall.

"He's gonna die." Sesshomaru said calmly after a moment of silence.

"I can live with that." Sango said.

Their laughter failed to drown out the sound of Inuyasha's terrified yell.


	9. Google Search

Sesshomaru, Kagome, Sango and Miroku were watching T.V. in the living room when Kikyo and Inuyasha suddenly came in. Kikyo was carrying a laptop.

"How do you Google search something?" She asked.

Sango rolled her eyes before replying.

"It's simple, really." She said. "You just find a really tall building and scream your question as loud as you can."

Inuyasha and Kikyo immediately took off while Sango and the others cracked up laughing.

"Good one, Sango." Kagome said, still laughing a bit.

Sesshomaru nodded his agreement, unable to stop himself from smirking a bit. Moments later, a yell was heard.

"HOW DO I BECOME A MERMAID?!"


	10. Babies

"Since I'm a guy, does that mean that dad was pregnant with me?" Inuyasha suddenly asked from where he sat on the couch with Kagome and Sesshomaru.

There was silence before Kagome replied.

"Oh _sure_." She said.

She lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper.

"I heard he was _very_ grumpy."

Inuyasha's eyes widened.

"He's been super grumpy lately!" He exclaimed. "Does that mean he's pregnant again?"

She shrugged.

"Maybe."

Inuyasha immediately ran off to ask when the baby was due while Kagome and Sesshomaru returned to their studies. Moments later, Toga's outraged yell echoed throughout the house.


	11. Canada

Kagome, Sesshomaru, Miroku, and Sango were watching a movie. Close to the end, a man with a Canadian accent died. When the movie was over, Inuyasha (who had suddenly appeared at some point during the movie) spoke up.

"If you die in Canada, do you die in real life?" He asked seriously.

They all looked at each other before Miroku replied.

"I don't know." He said. "The only way to find out is to go die in Canada."

Inuyasha immediately jumped to his feet and ran down the hall, yelling something about bus money while everyone else cracked up. Moments later, Toga's yell was heard.

"INUYASHA NEEDS BUS MONEY!"

**A/N I think Toga wants to get rid of Inu. XD Also, I'm deeply sorry if I've offended anyone, as that was not my intention. **


	12. Mermaids

"How are mermaids born?" Kikyo asked.

Sesshomaru rolled his eyes while Kagome replied.

"Mermaids are born when a female human has a baby with a male fish, usually a tuna." She said.

Kikyo's eyes widened.

"So if I want to have a mermaid baby I have to date a tuna?" She asked.

"Exactly!" Kagome replied.

Kikyo immediately ran off to get on a dating website to look for the perfect tuna while Sesshomaru looked at Kagome strangely.

"That was... _disturbing_." He said after a moment.

She shrugged.

"I try."


	13. Dating

"I've never dated before." Inuyasha said. "Does that make me gay?"

Kagome and Sesshomaru exchanged a look while Koga feigned concern. He sighed in mock sympathy.

"I'm afraid it does." He said, placing a hand on Inuyasha's shoulder. "You have to go ask Miroku out now."

Inuyasha's eyes widened in horror before he slowly walked down the hall to where Sango and Miroku were. Moments later, a slap echoed throughout the house.

**A/N I think Inu forgot about Kikyo. XD Also, I once again apologize if I offended anyone, as that was not my intention.**


	14. Pancakes

"Sesshomaru! Come quick!" Inuyasha yelled hysterically as he burst into Sesshomaru's room.

Kagome sighed while Sesshomaru spoke.

"What?" He asked.

"I made Jesus-shaped pancakes, but I burnt them!" Inuyasha exclaimed. "Does that mean I'm going to Hell?"

Sesshomaru couldn't resist.

"Yes." He said, putting on his scariest face. "Better start running."

Inuyasha screamed in terror and ran off while Kagome and Sesshomaru laughed uncontrollably.


	15. Clones

"How do you clone yourself?" Inuyasha asked.

Kagome replied before anyone else could even open their mouths.

"It's easy!" She said. "Just go stand in the fridge."

"The fridge?" He asked, for once seeming skeptical.

She nodded.

"Uh-huh. See, the fridge is also a cloning device. How do you think new food appears in their all the time?"

Inuyasha's eyes widened and he ran off into the kitchen. Sesshomaru wrinkled his nose in disgust.

"Remind me never to eat out of that thing again."


	16. The Sun

Inuyasha was almost hysterical. He came running inside with the camera, shouting something about the sun.

"Slow down!" Sesshomaru said, irritated. "_What_ about the sun?"

Inuyasha took a deep breath and everything rushed out.

"IheardthatlookingatthesuncanmakeyougoblindsoItook somepicturesandlookedatthosebutKikyosaysI'mstillgo ingtogoblindand-"

"I give up." Sesshomaru said, looking at Kagome. "What's he saying?"

"Something about looking at a picture of the sun and not wanting to go blind." She replied.

"Am I going to go blind?" Inuyasha asked.

"Yes." Kagome said before Sesshomaru had a chance to say anything.

Inuyasha ran away screaming.

**A/N By the way, Inu's first sentence in this chapter is supposed to one big run-on sentence, but it keeps automatically spacing itself out again. :l**


	17. Reality

"Jesus stole my unicorn!" Inuyasha exclaimed angrily as he came inside from the front yard.

"Wha...?" Sesshomaru mumbled, having just been woken up from his light nap on the couch.

He sat up while Kagome spoke.

"_What _happened?" She asked while Sesshomaru looked at the two of them in confusion.

He had no idea what was going on. And honestly, he wasn't sure if he wanted to.

"Jesus stole my unicorn!" Inuyasha repeated. "I tried to trade it for some magical pixie dust, but he won't give it to me!"

Kagome gave Sesshomaru a baffled look.

"How can I get my unicorn back?" Inuyasha asked.

"By returning to reality." Sesshomaru replied in irritation.

"Where's that?" Inuyasha asked.

They both stared at him.


	18. Batteries

"Do cats need batteries?" Kikyo asked.

Koga rolled his eyes.

"Yes. Cats need batteries." He replied sarcastically.

"All I have is a AA. Will that work for my new Tabby?" She asked, completely believing him.

He slapped his forehead while Kagome spoke.

"That should work." She said, if not, try a AAA." She said.

"'Kay!" Kikyo replied happily as she ran to Inuyasha's room where her cat was at the moment.

Moments later, a furious hiss was heard.

"That poor kitty..." Kagome murmured before returning to her book.


	19. Video

"I watched a cursed video!" Inuyasha screamed in terror. "It says I only have a week left to live now!"

"Bye." Sesshomaru replied nonchalantly.

Kagome elbowed him gently in the ribs.

"Be nice." She said.

He just looked at her while Inuyasha spoke again.

"Am I gonna die?"

"Yes." Sesshomaru replied.

Inuyasha started bawling.

"I DON'T WANNA DIE!" He cried.

Suddenly, Miroku jumped out at him.

"ROAAAR!" He yelled at the top of his lungs.

Inuyasha shrieked in terror and ran down the hall, screaming something about the demons from the video trying to kill him early. They all cracked up laughing.

"I couldn't resist." Miroku said, wiping a tear from his eye as he continued to laugh a bit.


	20. What's Wrong With the World

Sesshomaru was sitting on the couch studying when Inuyasha suddenly came in from the front yard where he'd, much to Sesshomaru's relief, been most of the morning with his friends.

"What are some good Twerk Team names?" Inuyasha asked urgently, as if this was the most important thing in the world.

Silence. Then:

"_This _is what's wrong with the world."


	21. Beauty and the Beast

Kagome, Koga, Sesshomaru, Sango, Miroku, and Inuyasha were watching Beauty and the Beast (mostly because Inuyasha wouldn't stop complaining about wanting to see it). When it was over, Inuyasha began griping.

"Why couldn't Beast lived without Belle? He was all 'it doesn't matter, let them come", but why?" He demanded. "It's like he was givin up all hope of ever seeing her again! Why not keep the hope _alive_? Why kill it? I mean, Belle was on her way! Come _on_!"

They all stared at him as he continued.

"If _I_ was Beast, I would have just fought on and waited for her! I wouldn't have given up! I would just know in my heart that she was coming, and-"

"Dude, it's just a movie! Calm down!" Koga said, cutting him off.

However, Inuyasha continued. Sesshomaru turned to Kagome.

"Can I kill him? Please?"


	22. Butterflies

Inuyasha ran to the living room, yelling about something. Sesshomaru calmly looked over at Kagome.

"_Your _turn." He said.

She sighed. She'd get him back for this later.

"What now, Inuyasha?" She asked.

"I have to do a presentation for school tomorrow, but I'm really nervous, so I told dad, and he said I have butterflies in my stomach!" He exclaimed. "Is that true?"

She couldn't resist.

"I'm afraid so." She replied. "Have you been eating butterflies?"

He shook his head.

"I have good news then!" She said, feigning excitement.

His ears perked up.

"Really?" He asked.

"Yep!" She replied cheerfully. "Your going to have baby caterpillars! Not long after they're born, you'll have lots of beautiful butterfly children!"

Inuyasha fainted.


End file.
